We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize