I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
