I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
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