Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
