So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
