soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
