tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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