READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
