There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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