When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
