Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
