So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
