I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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