There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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