Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
