just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
