coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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