Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I stole a fireplace last night.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
