apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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