HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
