Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
