know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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