is your mom at the bar?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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