i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
