i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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