i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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