Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Randomize
