you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
