I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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