I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
