WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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