happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
