He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
