the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
