You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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