When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
