After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
