She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Randomize
