singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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