Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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