Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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