some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
