nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
