I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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