Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
