What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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