hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
