I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
