I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
