I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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