i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
