lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
