Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
