I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
