Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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