True but thats because hes a fetus.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Randomize
