jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize