So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
He kissed a someone with a penis
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
