i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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