Plan B is the new Plan A
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
