Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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