What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
