One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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