I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
