he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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