Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
