Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
