Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
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