So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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