You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
