I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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