If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
