Rock
Scissors
Fuck
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
