I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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