Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
