Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize