Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
