then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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