Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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