i'm signing you up for texting rehab
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
