it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
