Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
