Porn is love you can see.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
