Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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