things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
