I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
