All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize