Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Randomize
