I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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