tell your sister to shave her snatch
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
