I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
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