Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I cannot find my penis.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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