Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
