i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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