i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
ttyl tear gas
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
