Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
