it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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