my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Randomize
