Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize