Swine flu. Run for my life!
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
