As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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