Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize