just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
