Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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