I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
