i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
